Writing to reach you

Still recovering from the night before the phone rang once again. It was dark outside already, i had nearly missed daylight after sleeping in. When i went to bed that morning it was still dark, though the sun was trying to shine her light over the horizon. Slowly the darkness faded as birds woke up, always them damned birds. "We are going out tonight, wanna come ?" My head started aching worse, warning me not to go. It was one of those annoying pains, one that beats your head like a drum, bulging your watery eyes, stabbing you with some sharp object just behind the sockets. "Uhm, yeah, sure, why not..." Common sense once again got beaten by curiosity, the fear of missing out on stuff. The failed attempt to stop me from going didn't however halt the headache. It lingered on, slowly fading, very slowly... I watched dinner as it stared back at me, my appetite had returned, that wasn't the problem. I was however thinking of the beer meeting up with dinner later that night. It didn't happen often that they didn't agree, but you never know. Beer fighting dinner is never a good thing, some pretty nasty situation can follow from such an encounter. I got dressed while talking on mIRC, whenever im home im either sleeping, or on mIRC. I was undecided wether to dress to impress or to just pull something from my closet. On opening my closet i was faced with a fairly simple task, matching my clothes was never hard. A rainbow of darkness flooded over me, no pot of gold to be found at the end of this here rainbow. Black is the main color in this spectrum, grey is just behind, and after that its mostly earth tones. I wouldn't call myself a depressed person, i do have my moods though. I tend to linger in thought about bad things that happened to me. Trying to organise them in such a fashion that they can help me rather then depress me. That's where my love for lyrics comes in. I've probably written more hit songs then most bands, there is just one problem... I never write em down. As soon as i grab pen and paper the stream of thought, the poetry, the waterfall of words and sentences screaches to a standstill. So all i'm left with once again is a whole lot of nothing...and mIRC. The idea was to go watch a movie at a friends house before going to this youth center. It's not some building with a pinball machine, a fussball table and too many chairs. This center is more like a club, trying not to be a club. The difference ? Well, i went to a club the night before, and to be honest, there is no real difference. The music beats the same rhythm, the black walls are just as dark, the people are just as narrowminded, the people all say they arent narrow minded and beer is cheaper then cola, and drugs are used in multitude. This place however is for rockers, gothics and anyone that calls themself "alternative". So really it's people dressed in black, guys with make-up, girls with dreads, and ugly people getting some. So i put on my corduroi black pants, some shirt that i've been wearing too often, but hey, it's the only one with some color in it, and a nice brownish sweater made from the same stuff as towels. Dress to impress ? Hardly, but oh well... I talked a bit to jo on mIRC, sang along to some songs, and thought about what could happen, and what probably would happen. Time to leave. On arriving at my friends house i noticed one thing right away. He was feeling as bad as i was. Though the headache had nearly faded, there was this feeling, it's not a tired feeling, rather the need to stretch, but you cant, you cant get the somewhat heavy feeling from your limbs and back. Soon after me another friend arrived, he had brought beer. I declined, though i knew i wouldn't survive the night ahead without alcohol. Another friend arrived, we were with 5 people now, and there was a clear difference in the group. Three of us went to the club the night before, and we were still groggy, and not keen on drinking more alcohol. I emptied my can of beer as we were ready to go. My brother, who we were meeting up with was already in the youth center club thing so we couldn't keep him waiting too long. The three of us were supposed to go together, but the friend that had called me decided not to go. The 20 minute bike ride was one i could do with my eyes closed. Unless i was drunk ofcoarse, cos the trees tend to move around when i am drunk, bastards! I got more cash from the bank, putting my total money spend this weekend at 120 bucks. Good thing im not a poor student. As dark as most of the clothes were, as bright were the bikes. A chameleon would probably go insane trying to hide between them, every color imaginable was there. We left our coats with some scary people in the garderobe, they would surely scare off any thieves, and probably some normal people too. Now there are 3 levels to this building. Downstairs is a snackbar, a café, toilets and a venting machine. Up the stairs is the main dancefloor with the stage and a DJ stage.The attic got closed by the firedepartment, it used to house the internet café. We went upstairs and met up with my brother. After 2 beers and some idle chat we moved to the dancefloor. They really should put up a sign saying "Here be freaks", darn. I don't have anything against freaks, only against those with more prejudice then a klansman. Now it wasn't all bad, not my a long shot. Beautifull girls outnumbered the freaks 5 to 1, so there wasn't a big problem. And i even recognized a few from work, i see customers everywhere, sad but true. I tried, i really did, wether it was my dancing, or my unfreakiness i dunno, but all the attention i got was from a girl that had a huge boyfriend with her, too big for me to even be bothered to flirt with her. So i decided to enjoy myself instead of working hard on getting some female attention. And darn was it a feast! Most of the guys on joined the dancefloor when the really loud music was played, not wanting to get crushed all girls, and merc, left the floor, only to return as the loud song was over. I think ill get me an extra set of eyes in the back of my head, cos there were hot girls all over the place. In front of me were 3 girls, probably 17 or 18 years old, dressed in tight black whatever, dancing against eachother, yum yum. Behind me was this girl with a red thing on, like the blonde wears in the latest Atomic Kitten video...you know the one...same thing as Dido in her video with that Angel dude, but not as tight... Behind her was this girl, i think she is from Chile or something, anyway, she looked like what i imagine Pocahontas had looked like, yum. Ofcoarse there were far more, but it's a big dancefloor, and was in a good place, a very good place. Three o'clock, closing time. My brother decided to stay there, me and my friend decided to go to the club we went the night before. Darn! It's like an anthill, people all over the place, inside the club going from A to B took 10 minutes, normally 30 seconds. Totally different crowd inside, long lines at the mens toilets and noone peeing...all looking to do some cocaine in the toilet with the door that has a lock, plenty of hot girls though. Last time i went there on saturday was somewhere in July, long long ago. Back then i focussed on this one girl, welll, on a few actually, but Wolfeyes told me to focus on that one... And guess what ? She was there! And this aint no ordinarry girl, oh no, she was a bartender...and still is, yay! I thought it was her summer job, so i never bothered to go on saturday anymore. But she's still working saturdays, yay. And there it was again, the look. You know the look right ? The quick glance your way, that starts it all. You cant help but notice her looking, and vice versa. So pretty soon you are both looking at eachother every other moment. Are you looking at her ? Or is she looking at you ? Does she want to look ? Or does she have to look, to see if you look ? Mighty confusing all this looking. I look, she smiles. Now is this a smile cos she likes you looking at her, or a nervous smile, wondering why the fuck this guy wont stop looking at her. So i order a beer, she looks me in the eyes, and smiles again. This is where i decided to move out of sight, or atleast, obscure her view on me. And yes, i was right in doing so, testing her. I see her eyes wonder across the crowd surrounding her bar, she is so focussed on finding me that she doesn't hear someone ordering something. The girl trying to order something waves to her, breaking her focus. After helping a few people she starts looking around again. Bingo! She finds my eyes as i watch her, another exchange of smiles takes place. At this point my friend wants to leave, its so crowded inside hes getting a bit claustrofobic, i never noticed all the people, funny how everything around you fades when you are focussing all your attention in this one person. Now this bar, her bar, is right next to the kitchen, and we just decided to get some food to go. So i walk to her bar, and the girl that helps in the kitchen is walking up to me, and woosh! she squeezes just in front of the kitchen girl. So im not imagining this ? Hmmm, okay... So i order food, yum, food. As i order, very loud, very clear, she somehow doesnt hear me. So she comes closer, reaching over the bar so her face is closer to mine, and she holds her cheek against mine. Is it just me, or do bartenders normally like, dont do that ? I turn around facing my friend again, but in his scared claustrofobic frenzy he missed it all, too bad. Some 5 minutes later the food is ready and we are ready to go, we exchange one last look and one last smile, and before i can do anything, say anything, a bunch of people start ordering stuff, and my friend makes for the door. So there merc was, a night without getting kicked in the nuts, slapped , or otherwise beaten up. Oh well... Outside we eat our food, which takes me forever, the beer is not agreeing with the food atfirst. We get our bikes, and ride home. Happy yet frustrated i go on mIRC, and what better way to vent frustration then to be a total moron on mIRC ? Well, i liked it anyway... | posted by merc, 4:23 AM